Tuesday, January 25, 2011

observations at the gym.

i must be crabby today. i have little patience for things that Make No Sense. come ON, people.

maybe i need to try and read while i'm on the treadmill because i have wayyyy too much time to be a judgypants. let me preface this by mentioning that i definitely am no beauty or fashion queen while i work out. i usually go in yoga capris and a t-shirt. no makeup. nothing fancy. once in a while i get crazy w/ a headband. daring, i KNOW. but today it was like a Parade of Weird all up in my YMCA. yes, there's normally one person that tickles my funny that i can enjoy "observing" while i'm there. but today, all the strange fitness phenomena i've been noticing separately all showed up. educate me on why ANY of this makes sense, dear reader(s?)...

1. dudes in knit caps. don't get me wrong. i love knit stuff, i love knitting stuff. i love wearing knitted stuff. i love wearing stuff i've knitted. but NOT while working out. i get hot and sweaty in shorts and a tee. why on earth do you need an itchy beanie steaming your skull?? fools.

2. people in jeans. these folks are usually of the AARP persuasion, but regardless of age, that can't be comfortable on an exercise bike. all i can think of is CHAFING. i refuse to believe you have NOTHING else to wear. i see people come in wearing jammie pants, which seems like a MUCH better and more logical choice. jammie pants are not making it on my list of phenomena, since they allow freedom of movement and do not promote any sort of chafing. plus, you probably already have some. we all win.

3. Lady In Giraffe Tights. i saw her last week. her tights must have made it through the laundry rotation, because there she was again, running on the track upstairs...it was kind of like a train wreck--you want to look away, but you just can't. i sort of wanted to ask her where she bought them. not because i really want a pair, but just because i'm curious as to where you'd even find something like that.

4. this is somewhat related to #1, but ladies in visors. ummmm last i checked it wasn't sunny NOR we were outdoors. maybe they are lost. maybe someone should direct them to the nearest golf course. or maybe they know something i don't? this also seems to be the most social phenomenon, as they show up together and/or gather in groups of two or three on the stairmasters.

5. men who indulge in copious application of cologne before hopping on a treadmill (next to me, always next to me, it would seem). i think i would rather smell your funk. seriously. if i'm not close to being done, i will move. so unnecessary. i don't have asthma, but i feel like i do.

6. this is not a crabby one. this one redeemed the morning for me! there is a funny older gentleman that i like to talk football and gardening with, and he always hangs his wife's coat up for her and adjusts her incumbent bike for her before she gets on, then makes sure she's all settled before he goes off to run gets on a machine himself. adorable. they are my favorite, although he likes to heckle her from across the room..."COME ON MARGE, MOVE IT!! YOU CAN GO FASTER THAN THAT" yeah, definitely my favorite.


Anonymous said...

i love your observations. Knit caps... seriously? Self-conscious about balding or something? At least go all LeBron and wear a head band or something. Fo' real.


Stacie said...

LOVB it. Makes me wish I went to a gym. :)